2006 04/06

Stop, Rewind, Pause

Now the question is, do I push the play button again?

Have you ever had one of those moments, those experiences, or a conversation that you just want to take out that magic remote controller?  You know the one…that magic remote that allows you to push “stop” in the middle of it all, “rewind” to the beginning, and push “pause”, allowing you to evaluate whether you really want to go through that moment or giving you a chance to say something differently, not say something at all, or figure out what the hell to say?  I wish that remote existed!  Oh do I wish that remote existed.  Especially after today!

My husband and I got into a stupid fight today.  One that I felt building up inside of me for a few weeks.  One that was the result of my insecurities.  One that we’ve had before and that I truly wish we never have again.  Here’s the scenario:  I get all down on myself and become so sensitive about everything.  Then, I bottle up every little thing & dwell on them, along with past things, and those little, minorly annoying things my husband does become huge irritations.  Eventually I melt down, cry, and make everything out to be a bigger deal than it is.  Not to say that everything is always my fault.  That is not the case.  The problem occurs when I just don’t confront things right away when I’m in my “sane way of thinking” and I wait until “the world is crashing down on me” Stacey appears.  It’s one of those times where I wish I could stop time, rewind, and push pause until “life is good/sane” Stacey comes back.  But nope, now I get to live with the aftermath of Hurricane Stupid Stacey.  Yup, isn’t life grand?

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