2007 12/01

Figuring out the whole friendship thing

In high school I always had a boyfriend and was friends with most people (small school, knew everyone).  Really I hung out with guys most of the time and only had a small handful of good female friends.  The other female friends weren’t the type that you could call up and cry to…well, you could but they had an ulterior motive.  Actually they didn’t want to be friends with me, they just wanted to get close enough so they could get close to the boyfriend.  And when I say ‘close’, I mean ‘I want your body’ close (I couldn’t think of a better way to say that).  Of course I was too much of a people-pleaser in high school to stop being friends with them or to call them out on it.  Instead I continued being friends with them and kept a close eye on them around the boyfriend.

Then, in college, it changed a little bit.  I kept my dating life mostly private and opted out of of the whole serious boyfriend thing, keeping it all much more casual.  However, just like high school, I had a handful of great friends and then the rest were friends with a motive.  This time though the motives were more along the lines of wanting to borrow clothes, borrow the car, and use my very large employee discount at the clothing store.  Again, too much of a people pleaser.

Now, being in the real world, I’m much more particular about who I call a friend and who I keep as acquaintances. I’m really tired of people wanting to be friends with me to serve their own purposes.  I really just want friends who want to hang out with me because, hey, I might actually be fun or have some interesting things to say.  I’m really sick of people acting like a friend to me only so they can somehow justify their sick and hurtful goals (yup, you know who you are and I hope your pits are beginning to sweat because you know that I know).  Slowly learning that I don’t need to be a people pleaser all the time.

Thinking back to high school I remember another group of girls who blatantly did not want to be friends with me because they blatantly wanted to hook up with the boyfriend.  I really did not like these girls and often gave them dirty looks.  Looking back at it now though, I think those girls would have made the truest of friends.  At least they were honest with what they wanted.

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