2007 25/09

Why I would never opt for a C-section

I had never planned on having a C-section with Abbi but, after 36 hours of labor and the doctor telling me that her head was too big to fit through my pelvis and her head was starting swell, I was really left with no other choice.  I know a lot of women decide to go with a planned C-section right from the start and I know that there a variety of reasons.  Maybe it is because I had such a rough recovery from my C-section.  The doctors tried to be very considerate when cutting me open and made a relatively small horizontal incision.  However, when trying to get the baby out, they tore a good amount of my abdominal muscles, causing my recovery to take quite a bit longer and with more pain.  Really, it sucked!

I remember being in so much pain whenever I would try to roll out of bed.  I remember Tim trying to help but completely feeling helpless because he couldn’t take away the pain.  Unfortunately I couldn’t really take much in pain relievers because I was trying to nurse.  That was another whole story.  I had the hardest time trying to nurse because it would kill to have Abbi anywhere near my abdomen.

The worst part though was not bonding with Abbi.  I’m couldn’t figure it out at the time and still have a hard time figuring it out.  It probably took me a good 6 months or so before I felt like I could connect with her.  I did not have that instant mother/child connection after giving birth.  I really thought I was just a horrible mom or that I just didn’t have that “mom” stuff in me.

It wasn’t until just the other day when I was talking with my chiropractor that I began putting things together.  His daughter ended up having a C-section with her twins and he said it took her a good year before she could bond with the babies.  It got me to thinking, maybe I wasn’t a bad mom.  Maybe it was the fact that my body was not prepared to give birth that way.  I think I kind of felt betrayed that the baby had to be taken that way.  That I was robbed of that “perfect” birth experience.  I know it all sounds weird.

The reason all of this is getting drudged up is because we are faced with the possibility of having another C-section.  Thankfully the hospital we will be delivering at this time does do VBACs but, as I was talking with one of the educators at my OBs office the other day, she happened to mention that the doctor would “try” to do a VBAC but they really tend to just do a C-section once a C-section has been done in the past.  Super.  I guess we’ve got some serious talking to do with the doctor before April.

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