2008 29/07

Finding Balance

Before we got pregnant with Abbi I decided that I really wanted to stay home with our kids. Tim happily obliged and encouraged me to do so. We have made sacrifices for this to work. If I had chosen to stay working full time, we may have been ahead a little more financially or enjoying frivolous things, but it was important to us that I be home raising our children. And I love it. It is the hardest, most frustrating (at times), most rewarding, and wonderful job I’ve ever had. And yes, it is work!

I am fulfilled being a mom and yet I still craved an identity outside of being a mom. So, I continued doing some freelance webdesign. It is something I really enjoy doing and it has worked out well….up until now. When it was just Abbi in the house I could work while she was napping or after she went to bed at night. I rarely let work interfere with my time with her. Then Zoe came along. And that perfect balance was thrown for a loop. When Zoe naps in the morning I shower and spend one-on-one time with Abbi. The girls have yet to coordinate their afternoon naps so I pretty much have 45 minutes when their naps overlap that I can work. Then, bedtime. Well, the entire bedtime process for both girls lasts from 7pm to about 9pm. By the time both girls are in bed I am EX-HAUST-TED!!!! I force my exhausted self to get some work done but there are times I like to just hang out with m husband. So, the amount of time I have to work these days is very limited.

This all came to head when I had to let go a new client. They pretty much wanted me to work full-time on just their site. They set unrealistic time demands on me and I could just not meet them. It’s frustrating to me because I hate to turn down a client. However, after trying to make it work these past few weeks, I realized I was neglecting my girls. I was pushing Abbi off to watch cartoons and Zoe was spending more and more time in her bouncy seat. I sucked as a mom.

So, I gave myself a quick realty check and decided that my time with my girls is very limited and more important than any job. I’m still trying to figure out that balance though. How do you do it? How do you balance spending time with your kids, working, loving on the spouse, keeping connected with friends, and taking care of yourself?

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