2009 09/05

Mother’s Day – Deception and Celebration

I tend to write about being a mom on here a lot. How could I not, it takes up 90% of my life right now. And tomorrow is a day to celebrate all that encompasses motherhood. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I mean, yes, mom’s deserve to be celebrated. But I’m a much more “celebrate in random ways all year long” instead of one specific day where the celebration seems so forced.

Wow, that was pretty cynical. Sorry. Let’s divert a little bit.

I was watching this episode of Momversation yesterday and I loved what Dana from Mamalogues had to say about motherhood. She said, “Something that begins by ramming it’s way out of your vagina isn’t going to be easy!“ I love it! This sums up motherhood for me!

I have a few women in my life who tend to make me feel guilty about my feelings toward motherhood. They try to portray motherhood as this natural, easy thing. Do I believe for one minute that their journey as a mom has been easy, hell no! But yet they try to portray it as such, as though they are really hoping that some Mother-of-the-Year committee is going to show up at their door with balloons and a trophy or ribbon. Or maybe they have just fooled themselves to believe it after all these years.

Motherhood is hard. Absurdly hard. It is hard whether you stay home all day with the kids or work outside the home. And, no, I don’t feel completely fulfilled being a mom. That does not mean that I do not love my girls more than life itself. I do. But I need more in my life than just being a mom.

I never thought I would be a stay-at-home-mom. Those really didn’t seem to exist in my world growing up. I always pictured myself working outside the home. Then, life changed. I changed. And I wanted nothing more than to stay at home with my kids. I’ve never regretted that decision. I love being there for every step along their journey. Every new thing they learn, I’m there. I almost feel guilty that I get to be there for everything.

But I still need more in my life. I need time to just be a wife. I need time to just be a friend. I need time to just be a woman.

I know it’s all about balance and I’m constantly trying to achieve that balance.

So, yeah, motherhood. I love it. I hate it. I do know that, through my short journey into motherhood, I do have gained a huge new appreciation for my mom and grandma! They have never, not for once, made me believe that being a mom was going to be easy. But they did show me that being a mom, regardless of battles along the way, was totally worth it.

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