2012 20/03

Today I lied to her.

There are times that I forget how quickly my kids are growing up. Then I will catch it. A glimpse as she’s sitting next to me in the car. Something one of them will say.

It is fun to see it all. The persons they are becoming.

And then there are days that it sucks.

Today was one of those days.

Abbi (6yrs): Mom, I heard you talking on the phone. Someone can’t breath? Someone is sick?

Ugh. I didn’t realize she was listening. But I should know better. They are always listening.

Me: Yes. It’s great Grandma. She’s not feeling well so it’s hard for her to breath right now.

Her: I know mom. I know that great Grandma is old. And when you get old your body starts to break down. And you die. 

NO! I wanted to scream that at the top of my lungs. I wanted to scoop her up with her sister and brother and take them somewhere safe. Somewhere where death couldn’t touch us. Where it’s pain couldn’t reach us.

I can do the physical pain stuff. I can snuggle them when their bellies hurt. Kiss the bump on their forehead. Bandage their skinned knees.

But the emotional pain? The breaking heart? The stabbing in your soul? That I’m no good at.

I don’t do the cliches. If you’ve ever experienced loss, then you know what I’m talking about. And you know that those cliches are only meant to make the person not hurting feel better. They do nothing for those in pain.

Her: It’s ok mom, I know you’re sad.

Me: You know, you’re pretty smart Miss Abigail. Great Gram is going to be ok. She has doctors and nurses taking care of her.

So, instead, I lie. I make them lunch and we continue on with our day. Knowing that one day, sooner than I will ever be ready for, the pain will hit.

I don’t know what else to say.

Growing up sucks. Sometimes.

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  • Stacey, In all sincerity I have been praying for your heart and your Gram a lot this week. I’ve been meaning to check in to see how she was doing and I am really sorry to hear that she is struggling so.

  • That’s so hard. There is no good way to handle it, we keep the Real World from our kids all the time while simultaneously trying to prepare them for it. It’s just impossible sometimes. I’m sorry, this does sue.

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