2013 16/04

You don’t need to be a perfect mom. Just be you.

If you’ve been a reader here at StaceySays for any length of time, you probably know that I like to keep it real. If you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, then you know I like to keep it very real.


I don’t like to sugarcoat motherhood. It’s just not who I am. Some days my kids are amazing and completely blow me away. Other days I can be found locked in the bathroom with my head buried in a stack of towels sobbing because I just can’t take another sassy mouth or toddler tantrum. Parenthood is fabulous and messy and rewarding and horrible all mixed up in the same package.

This is when moms should be banning together. Digging through the mess together. Instead, we don’t. We like to bury each other in that mess and say, “So long, sucker! Pin that one on your Pinterest board!”

I joke but it’s a very sad reality. Our strongest allies become our biggest enemies.

But part of that is our own doing. We unjustly compare ourselves to the image of others. Then we try to tear those people down to make ourselves feel better.

Well, of course SHE has time to make those cute birthday treats for school. SHE doesn’t have a teething toddler at home! I bet SHE wouldn’t be so perfect if SHE had to deal with that all day!

When the reality is, SHE probably has her own set of problems to deal with. Just because SHE likes to make homemade treats does not make her life any easier. It does not make ME less of a mom. Our lives our different. See, she may have spent 2 hours making those treats with her kids. That was a priority, for her. My priority is to buy some treats at the store and then spend the other hour and 45 minutes playing at the park or having a living room dance party. Choosing either of those does not make one mom better than the other. It just makes us moms.

What I’m trying to say is that we need to stop making other moms feel badly . We can do that all on our own. As moms we’re constantly second guessing ourselves. Wondering if we could do things better. Differently. Even those moms who seem to have it all together…Yup, they second guess themselves, too.

So let’s stop beating ourselves up. Let’s stop beating each other down. Here’s the crazy thing, at the end of the day, your kids do not care if you wore your yoga pants and sweatshirt when taking them to school today (even though you had no intention of actually doing yoga today). They don’t care if you wear that same outfit tomorrow. If that’s what it takes for you to get everyone up, dressed, fed, and out the door in time for school, then so be it! And you rock those yoga pants!!!

Your kids are exactly that — your kids. They don’t need a perfect mom. They just need you. My kids do not need a perfect mom. They just need me. Me, with my cellulite and my store-bought birthday cakes. Me, with impromptu pizza & movie nights in mom and dad’s bed and me, needing to lock myself in the bathroom while I have my mommy-tantrum. Me, the mom who spent months planning the perfect Disney trip and me, the mom who lost her cool when yet another bowl of spaghetti was dumped on the floor. Me. All of me.

I love this quote from Jill Churchill:

Take the StrongMoms Empowerment Pledge

So, the next time you see that mom in the grocery store handing her tantrum-throwing toddler a bag of M&Ms, hold off on those judgmental looks. Chances are, she’s doing everything in her power to just hold it together. She’s in survival mode. The mom with her eyes on her iPhone rather than on her kid at gymnastics practice? This might be her chance to catch up on work emails because she’s spent the rest of the day taking care of another sick child. You don’t know.

Instead, let’s join together and be an encouragement for each other and the moms to come. Go to Strong Moms Empower and take the pledge!

I am participating in a blog campaign with One2One Network. I have not received any payment. All opinions are my own.

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  • I LOVE THIS!!! GREAT THINKING sTACEY!! I know I am NOT perfect. Sometimes I look at it the other way around tho….I wish I could do that like her and this like her…..But don’t have time. But I do the best I can and I am me for my kids.

  • Lorri Heneveld

    OMG, Sis-in-law! This post really touched my heart! I used to freak out & stress out a lot (regarding my parenting skills), but now that my kids are grown, I look back on those years and think, “What the heck was I so worried about?!” I made MANY mistakes as a mom, but you know what? My kids grew up anyway, and they both turned out to be pretty good adults (if I do say so myself). Outstanding article! Keep up the good work! I think you should rename your blog “GO MOMMY.” Like “GO DADDY,” but even better. You go, girl!

    Love ya,
    Lorri 😉

  • Stacey, I love this. Mommy-comparison is at an all-time high, and I, personally, blame Pinterest!! Instead of encouraging and cheering each other on, we’re jealous and judgmental. Thanks for the wakeup call and reminder to show grace before pointing fingers.

  • Oh! Thanks, Lorri! Your kids are awesome! Tim & I have always talked about how much we admired how you and Kev raised them! Great job :-) And thanks for the encouragement!!

  • And that’s all they ever need — You!

  • Thanks, Jane! I used to get so frustrated with Pinterest, too. But then I realized that the only person putting the stress of doing all those fabulous Pinterest things on me is me.

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